Love languages: Relationship skills program brings couples closer

They met in the cafeteria at Albany State College in upstate New York in the summer of 2002.

“I walked over and asked if I could sit with him,” said Asante Hilts. “He said no.”

She sat down next to Edward anyway.

Twenty one years of marriage and four kids later, “he’s still playing hard to get,” she said, laughing.

“There was an immediate connection,” Asante said. “He was playful, I was playful.”

Both native New Yorkers, the couple soon grew tired of shoveling snow and relocated to Georgia in 2018.

Asante, who has a doctorate in public health, accepted a job as chief executive officer of Valley Healthcare System in Columbus and Edward took a remote job with a state agency.

When reviewing materials her organization shares with families new to the area, Asante came across an ad for a free, eight-week relationship education program called Elevate.

Asante had been working seven days a week during the height of the pandemic and was exhausted and felt isolated. The program seemed a perfect opportunity to get out of the house and meet new people. Edward was less enthusiastic, but eventually relented.

“The clincher for him was they were going to give us free lunch and up to $160 in Amazon gift cards to complete the program,” she said. “That’s what got him.”

Almost immediately, though, Edward’s reluctance melted away when the program facilitators adeptly engaged the four couples in the room.

“They were really good at showing the value of the program,” Asante said. “Just like we tell children how they can learn through play, adults can, too. We played games and did simulations. We were laughing and learning from other couples but also learning real skills.”

Elevate is a federally funded, evidence-informed program that helps couples manage stress, spend quality time together and develop new skills to strengthen their relationship, said project director Ted Futris, a professor and UGA Extension human development specialist in the UGA College of Family and Consumer Sciences.

The program leverages the statewide UGA Extension network and community partners to deliver training both virtually and in person. Couples who complete the 12-hour program consistently report two and six months later how much happier they are with their relationship, Futris said.

“The Elevate program is for all couples in a committed relationship, married or not, and at any stage in life or their relationship,” he said. “It’s an educational experience, not counseling. Couples have a fun time together as they celebrate each other and learn ways to take their relationship to the next level.”

For Asante, a self-described “forever optimist,” the program exceeded all of her expectations.

Once she and Edward graduated from the program, they went on to complete its companion program, Discovering Money Solutions, which helps families progress toward economic stability and reduce conflict in the home.

“One of the things, among many, that we learned during Elevate was to take inventory of each other’s interests, desires and intimacy concerns and really take an intentional pause during the midst of everything to reflect on things we’re grateful for,” she said. “It’s not just as simple as going on a date, but carving out intentional time to check in with what’s going on with each other.”

Asante is now a facilitator for the Elevate program, and in partnership with Right from the Start and UGA Extension, launched her first workshop earlier this month, with 10 eager couples signed up.

Asante considers it her pilot program and hopes to bring other community partners on board to expand the program’s reach in the Columbus area.

“It’s an opportunity for me to prove that this is important and it makes a difference in communities,” she said. “We think it’s awesome and want more couples to experience it.”

Elevate classes are held throughout the state. For more information, visit www.elevatecouplesgeorgia.com